User:Barbs/T2 Assessment

WORK IN PROGRESS!

.✦ BEFORE XPUB

From 2020 until 2024, I studied a bachelor's in Creative Media & Game Technologies at Hogeschool voor de Kunsten Utrecht. When I started the course, the industry was booming like never before.
It didn't last: due to the over-expansion and unsustainable business practices of the industry, the latter half of my studies had a dark cloud of constant mass layoffs looming over it, which have yet to stop. Along with the rise of NFT's and generative AI, I became increasingly disillusioned with the industry. I never desired to be a cog in the machine of a company. I'd rather make games, and other things, as art.

.✦ TRIMESTER 1

Radio Show 1: Art > Profits

I usually shy away from making anything to perform "live", so SI28's assignment to host radio shows immediately made me feel like being dropped into the deep end at the start of the course.

During the first radio show I participated in, I played an excerpt from Le Guin's 2014 speech in which she criticizes capitalist publishing systems and argues profit incentives are inherently against making art. I first heard this speech a year prior and it has stuck with me ever since.

"We live in capitalism, its power seems inescapable. So did the divine right of kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings. Resistance and change often begin in art, and very often in our art, the art of words." - Ursula K. Le Guin

Radio Show 2: Cyberfeminism

The second radio show I hosted together with Sibyl and Youjung and was about (cyber)feminism. In it, I read a text I wrote a few years ago about the depictions of female artificial intelligence characters in media.

Women as Technology exhibition

The radio show was partly inspired by me visiting the Design Museum Den Bosch for their exhibition called "Women as Technology". It showed the history of how technological advancements shaped the role of women as calculators, homemakers, incubators and pleasure machines.

Eliza & Chatbots/AI as narrative

Eliza was exhibited there and we had previously discussed the chatbot in class too. Eliza is only designed to talk about you, the user. If you start to ask her questions in return, she constantly deflects. Her response "What answer would please you the most?" felt most telling about how AI chatbots are designed even to this day. The way gender influences technology and vice versa really interests me.

A story in a story in a story

A text adventure game in which you explore the interiority of different words and gather them, which gets output to a pen plotter that draws all the words in your "bag". Made in collaboration with Youjung and Kiki.

A Carrier Bag Theory of Fiction

I feel like the killer story that Le Guin describes is nowhere near as present as in popular video game narratives, which largely revolve around combat.

It sparked this idea to take the Carrier Bag Theory very literally as a game mechanic. Instead of a killer, you are a gatherer.

Software: Python/Graphviz

I had coding classes in high school and during my bachelor's, but they never went further than the basics. In my bachelor's group projects, as I specialized in game art, the coding responsibilities quickly fell onto the actual programmers. I hadn't been given the chance to pursue the skill since, and I'm really happy XPUB gave me the tools and confidence to try! It felt very liberating to write the code of the text adventure myself.

It also resulted in a completely different game-making experience. Instead of prematurely getting lost in artistic aesthetics and ideas, I really had to make my design choices concrete and functional so that it was understandable enough for me to code by myself.

Hardware: Raspberry Pi/Pen Plotters

Mixed-media project, not just a game. Interactive element was part of something bigger. Different technologies coming together.

Reflection

Event was so engaging, so many people were gathering around our table to watch others play. It felt way different than any other games showcase I had participated in during my bachelor's, where our tables were usually peaceful and more commercial-looking games were favored. I rly feel like I found a space in XPUB where my work is appreciated and can flourish.

.✦ TRIMESTER 2

Peer 2 Peer prototype

Lea, Sibyl and I wanted to play with the intimacy of P2P file-sharing. We used SoulSeek & SyncThing to build our own "houses" out of the folder structures that the others could then explore.

It was fun to treat the P2P interface as a sort of adventure game, with the possibility of hiding all types of files in elaborate folder systems.

Using the home as a metaphor for a file system would later serve as inspiration for my workshop!

Datacenters

One of the highlights of the SI for me was touring the datacenter at the Van Nelle Fabriek.

Physicality of our digital worlds and the destructive impact it has on our real world and communities.

Game industry entanglements with big tech

Permacomputing & Self-Hosting

Laptop maintenance

At the beginning of the special issue, I became very interested in taking better care of my almost 6 years old laptop. For the past few years I've always felt like the time to buy a new laptop was nearing, as my current one wasn't able to run the latest 3D games anymore and was having overheating issues. As a game dev, I felt pressured to own the latest tech possible.

Learning more about permacomputing helped me shift that perspective. I really love this laptop, it still does everything I need it to do (I'm not playing or making AAA realism level games anytime soon), and so I want to maintain it for as long as possible. I ended up upgrading its storage, cleaning the insides, and dual-booting Linux alongside Windows onto it. It runs way smoother now!! I documented everything on the wiki page linked above too.

Communal servers & Comp(h)osting

Workshop "Our Digital Home"

Instead of the technical side, I focused more on the pedagogical aspects of this workshop. Most interested in communal aspect of sharing a server/website. Sad we skipped the kitchen section due to time.

Reflection

While I really enjoyed the topic and teachings of this special issue, it left me feeling quite scattered and overwhelmed.

.✦ EXTRACURRICULARS

Webgardener

What if a website were a bit like a garden? Webgardener was made as part of the 1Bit Game Jam together with Dion Peek. The jam theme was "offering".

Putting effort in making & maintaining connections/community, planting and caring for just like you would for a garden. It takes effort, time and patience, but you get something beautiful for it in return.

It was my first time making pixel art, and it felt very freeing.

Something that has stuck with me since is using game design to plant the seed of an idea inside someone's mind. Instead of literally explaining what the indie web is and teaching how to make a website, I kept it simple and instead just introduced the concept of caring for a web community through the metaphor of gardening.

We were inspired by bitsy games, the indie web and digital gardening.

Suncatcher

It was made in collaboration with Dion Peek and Max Kuilman as part of the Global Game Jam 2026 with the theme "mask".

Inspired by the SI29 datacenter tour, Suncatcher is an interactive narrative with make-over game mechanics. You play as a hacker in a cyberpunk city trying to evade facial detection algorithms by crafting different kinds of masks. Your goal is to infiltrate and set fire to a hyperscale datacenter.

Brewing Permacomputing Collectives

[untitled games event]

Their definition of experimental games.

"a space for experimental games and playable arts in Amsterdam. We organize a monthly 'book club' for games and conversation around play."

Going here felt so refreshing!! Everyone was so excited and open to talk to each other, I spoke to a lot of game makers with very diverse backgrounds. I’m thinking of maybe hosting a talk here sometime.. once I think of something interesting to say.

Nintendo 2DS Hacking

Eleni's radio show at WORM

I went back to do a radio show!!! If you had told my September-self this I would have laughed and not believed you.. Eleni invited me onto her show as part of her thesis project. We talked about our relationships to fandom and social media. I don't discuss fandom much in my work but I wouldn't be where I am today without 14-year-old me posting Doctor Who fanart on her Tumblr.. it is where my artistic practice first formed!

.✦ METHODS / PERSONAL READER

Highlights:

• A Carrier Bag Theory of Fiction - Ursula K. Le Guin
• (re)programming Strategies for Self-Renewal – better machines for better humans - Marta Perano & Kate Crawford
• Situated Knowledges: The Science Question in Feminism and the Privilege of Partial Perspective - Donna Haraway
• The Mushroom at the End of the World - Anna Tsing
• Alternative Games From The Fringes Of Cyberspace - Nathalie Lawhead

Currently reading:

• Glitch-Feminism - A Manifesto - Legacy Russell
• Everything to Play For (How Videogames Are Changing the World) - Marijam Did
• Beyond awareness: Climate games as invitations to care for the future - Carien Moossdorff, Joost M. Vervoort

Want to read:

• So many things..

.✦ REFLECTIONS / INTERESTS / WHAT'S NEXT?...

Reflecting on the first two special issues I'm proud of myself for immediately stepping out of my comfort zone, even if it felt scary at times. The radio shows during SI28 were something I would usually shy away from, and I was super anxious during them, but it went really well! Same went for working with python, raspberry pi, servers,

A word cloud of things that interest me:
science-fiction | worldbuilding | experimental games | cyber/techno/glitch-feminism | climate/eco games | permacomputing | games as art/poetry | sustainable game-making | retro game console hacking/modding | encountering the "other", more-than-human, patchwork beings, Frankenstein's monster | collective organizing | feminist servers | indie comic books | situated knowledges

I feel sooo scattered and am having a bit of a career/identity crisis.